Making Decisions Under Emotional Attack
How to stay rational when reason is the first casualty.
Emotions are part of every decision especially when something truly matters: relationships, values or responsibility. At the same time, that’s exactly when it becomes hardest to stay clear, when something touches us deeply.
The result is often a quick reaction, raised voices, withdrawal, or a decision made too fast. And afterwards, the sense that it wasn’t really me who decided, it was my emotions.
The common advice is: “Decide without emotion.”I find it more helpful to treat emotions as information to listen to them but also to recognise when it is wiser not to react immediately, and to allow time instead.
There are moments when it’s not the issue itself that hits us, but the tone. A sentence, a glance, a gesture and suddenly, everything changes. We feel attacked. Misunderstood. Or simply hurt.
In such moments, strategic thinking becomes hardest. The question is whether it’s even possible to make good decisions when emotions are running high. Our nervous system switches into protection mode, our mind into defence. We react too quickly, too sharply, or not at all. And later we ask ourselves: Why did I respond like that? Why did I react at all?
The impulse to react emotionally is human, but it is rarely strategic.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose.” Viktor E. Frankl
That space is exactly what we need to find, especially when we feel emotionally struck.
Understanding emotional attacks
An emotional attack hits where something important is touched our self-worth, our sense of belonging, our need for recognition. That’s why such moments often trigger disproportionate reactions: anger, retreat, or defence.
Once I’m able to view my emotions not as disturbance but as information, I see what’s truly at stake a value, a boundary, a relationship.
Helpful questions include:
What exactly has hit me here?
What is at stake for me?
What is this feeling trying to tell me – or to protect?
A practical approach to emotional attacks
According to Existential Analysis (A. Laengle), a clear inner structure helps us remain capable of acting in such moments not through suppression, but through awareness.
Stop / Pause: Don’t react immediately. Breathe. Create space and time.
Describe: What has actually happened? (Words, gestures, tone – without interpretation.)
Sense / Analyse the impression: What do I feel? Anger? Shame? Fear? Indignation?
Inner response: What does this mean for me? Which value or boundary has been touched or crossed?
Take position: How do I want to relate to this? What do I accept, and where do I set a clear limit?
Respond / Act consciously: Speak or act only once your inner stance is clear.
These six steps move you from reactivity to self-leadership. They protect your integrity and prevent emotions from taking over the direction.
Three questions for this week
When was the last time I felt emotionally attacked, and how did I react?
What was my feeling trying to show or protect in that moment?
What would have helped me to pause first?
Strategic thinking doesn’t mean suppressing emotion. It means understanding and guiding it. Especially when we feel struck, emotional clarity becomes the true foundation of sound decisions.